not so dumb

I did it! I manage to turn my question mark back into a question mark, ALL by myself, and figure out why the deuce Blogger wasn't letting me sign in, even though I knew I had the right password! go me!

Re-read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven today. SOOOOOOO good! It would be nice to recieve some sort of explanation for the way our lives are the way they are, wouldn't it? I also really like the idea that Heaven is a set of steps, to be gone through one by one. Reading that book really makes me hope I haven't accidentally killed anyone without realizing it. :S It also made me realize some things about my own life so far...

For one thing, growing up on Welfare sucked. There's no doubt about it. But in a way, I actually really benefited from it. With a mother who didn't work, I had one parent who was consistently loving AND available. Even in the best of households, most kids don't get that. I think having that love and support always available to me made me not only secure and confident, but strong as well. I don't have as much of that regret that comes from not spending enough time with your parents before they go. Don't get me wrong, I still have it. But I would surmise that people who grow up in a two-income (ergo double parental absence) household and then go on to live life, continually preoccupied with their own affairs without considering how finite the lives of those around them are, have a harder time with that guilt after the inevitable event.

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Becoming a parent today requires you to make those decisions about how to balance your life around working, not working, money, quality of life, and what you, ultimately, want your life to be about. Male or female, the economy is such that a two-income household is not only the norm, but necessary for an acceptable standard of living. As a parent, how do you acknowledge that fact and still give your child every possible advantage for facing their own life? I mean, I used to think that if me or Adam is still alive when Adrianna reaches two, then I would have already provided her with more than I had...but sometimes I'm not so sure. I have to go back to work; there's no choice about that. But in doing that in order to provide my daughter with what she needs, as well as some things she wants, am I preventing her from having that ever-present love and support that I was lucky enough to have? Or, as childcare books nowadays reassuringly state, am I merely providing her with more and varied adult love and attention by putting her in day care?

* * *

I swear, the human race is stressing itself into it's own demise. In our constant efforts to advance in every way, all we do is throw natural order further and further out of line. Carl Sagan had it right, when he said that we are in a technological adolescence. We're discovering all the possibilities, exploring our reality with all the tools available to us, realizing the extremes of what we are capable of, and doing it all so quickly, that everything feels unsynchronized and wrong. We abuse our bodies, are inherently selfish, and live our lives in the Name of Fun. How much more like an angry teenager can our species get?

Just imagine if our society reaches the point of global maturity? Stable economies, peaceful and respectful international relations, and a true sense of purpose. If only, right?